Feeling bad today

I am so bad
today i feel like i am caving in on myself, mixed thoughts racing around in my head, i hate when this happens i am having suicidal thoughts again one minute i want to die the next i dont i hate this, why me why has this got to happen to my brain i feel as though i cant tell dh as he goes mad shouting off about whatever it is i have said first, i wish he was a little calmer towards me, he gets afraid i think thats why he shouts, that doesnt make me feel any better just makes me cry more and feel worse.

I have got to get in touch with Darren tomorrow to cancel my appointment with the dr i do not want to see and try and get in with the one i do.